Paula Hawks’ campaign still a work in progress with rewrites and new exclamation points.

Remember the other day when I released Paula Hawks’ bio from her web site (about a week before she would admit running). Since then, many things have changed.

Since that day, her “I am running for US House” titled video had an exclamation point added to it to make it appear as if she’s enthusiastic about the process.   I can imagine that after it got out looking unenthusiastic and boring, her “get” from the SDDP, Zach Nistler, took her aside and said Paula – this video with the twinkling lullaby piano music just isn’t exciting enough. I have an idea which will put you over the top of those Republicans. Add an exclamation point to the title!! And if that doesn’t work, we’ll pull out the big guns AND GO ALL CAPS on them!!

As I said, I can only imagine that was the conversation.

In a similar manner, Hawks’ bio which we’d noticed after her brain trust put it up live a week before the announcement also seems to have been completely re-written.

But, now that the announcement is out, they aren’t re-writes for an already floundering campaign. They’re the “New Exciting Version!”

Original:

Hello, I am Paula Hawks and I am running to represent South Dakota in the United States House of Representatives.

While growing up north of Flandreau, I was exposed at an early age to the hard work, dedication, and state pride that makes South Dakota such a unique home. My parents, Hugh and Jane Hagel, raised four children on our family farm. We learned early on that to keep the farm running we each had to share the workload. We raised hogs and cattle, and planted and harvested alfalfa, corn and soybeans.

New Exciting Version:

Growing up on the family farm north of Flandreau, I helped with the cattle and the hogs, baled hay and harvested corn and beans with my sister and brothers.  The 80s farm crisis hit us hard, but we kept the farm intact, though not without experiencing serious financial hardship.  That struggle left an indelible mark on my life and development.  I developed a deep understanding and respect for the incredible dedication and hard-work it takes to make a family farm work in South Dakota.

Reason for the change?

It seems as if Hawks is trying to make herself look “farm-ier” than Kristi Noem who has a far more compelling Ag background, in addition to being one of the people who brought home the farm bill. The new version also sounds better to people in the Ag industry than I grew up on the farm..  But I still kind-of farm in my backyard.

Original:

Having grown up in rural South Dakota, I knew how transformative teachers could be to the students of their communities, so I attended college at South Dakota State University where I graduated with my Bachelor of Science in Biology along with my teaching certificate.  While I was at SDSU, I was lucky enough to meet my husband, Steve Hawks, a young rancher from Faith South Dakota. We married in 1997 and are now raising our children in Hartford, South Dakota.

After teaching at West Central High School in Hartford for 10 years I realized that the life I had built with my husband and my career as an educator were being impacted greatly by the decisions taking place hundreds of miles away in Pierre. I decided to lend my voice to the process by running for the South Dakota House of Representatives.

New Exciting Version:

My high school science teachers really inspired me to follow my passion for science and when I graduated, I chose to study biology in college.  Following in my father and my sister’s footsteps, I headed to SDSU to earn my degree.  While attending SDSU, I worked part-time as a nursing assistant at the nursing home in Brookings.  Working with the seniors in my care, I developed strong relationships with them and learned to appreciate the special concerns faced by our senior citizens.

I met my husband, Steve, at SDSU, where he was a physics major.  Steve grew up on his parents’ ranch near Faith.  We got married on my parents’ farm, and started our life together as we were finishing our last year at State. After our first daughter, Ruby, was born I got my teaching certificate.  I spent 10 years teaching at West Central High School.  During that time our son, Tristan, was born.  Also during that time, I attended USD to get my master’s degree in Technology for Education and Training.  I lost my mother to cancer just months before I finished my degree and three years before our youngest daughter, Amelia, was born.

I left my classroom in 2012, and decided to run for the South Dakota State Legislature.  I have served in that role for three years now, and have worked diligently for my constituents in District 9, and for all of South Dakota.  Because the legislature is a citizen-legislature and not a full-time job, I also work as a training specialist in the banking industry.  I develop and deliver compliance and leadership training, as well as federal banking regulation training.  This experience in the business world has rounded out my understanding of the many facets of the South Dakota economic landscape.

Reason for the change:

I suspect this portion of the bio got far longer after I’d busted her out over skipping over her current job as corporate trainer for METAbank, where she likely sets up people behind a computer screen and has them run through an online tutorial on banking regs.

I had to laugh at the part where she makes it sound to her Democrat base that she was forced to work for the dirty bankers when she says “Because the legislature is a citizen-legislature and not a full-time job, I also work as a training specialist in the banking industry.”  So, if she had her druthers and could work full time as a legislator, she wouldn’t imagine working for the dirty bankers.

She also puts some filler in there about a college job to make the paragraph bigger.

Original:

I believe that the strength of America starts with hard working people and that our economy grows when hard working South Dakota families are given the chance to succeed. I have never been one to shy away from a challenge, and I firmly believe that for our state to prosper in the adverse conditions we are facing as a nation, we need a strong voice in our Nation’s Capital. We need a representative who is not afraid to be an independent voice for our state and we need a representative who is willing to cross the aisle to work for solutions, instead of working to secure political points for the next campaign.

South Dakotans have been telling me that our politics in Washington are broken, and honestly, I agree. But, when machinery was broken on our family farm, we knew that it was worth trying to fix before scrapping it all together. I am announcing to you today that I am ready to get to work and that I am prepared to give it my all to fix the mess. It may not be easy, and it may not be fun, but it is necessary. Join our team today. Working together we can bring much needed leadership to Washington D.C.

New Exciting Version:

I am running for the U.S. House because I believe it is imperative to restore opportunity and fairness to our system of government. A system that has gotten off course, and needs to be redirected so it can work for all of us.  A system that works for my father in his older years and for my children as they grow.  A system that works for my husband and me and the rest of the hardworking South Dakotans making their lives in our great state.

-Paula

Reason for the change:

WOW! That portion with her raison d’être on why she’s running in the first place got pared down fast. Any direct reasoning got much, much shorter.

She had claimed that we need a strong voice in our Nation’s Capital ….And then that part went away.

Was it the fact that she realized that there’s no way on earth she’s going to be seated on the Ways and Means Committee or have a front row seat on the farm bill as Kristi Noem did that had her suddenly ignoring that whole “strong voice” line which there was no way she could deliver on?

And how about “South Dakotans have been telling me that our politics in Washington are broken, and honestly, I agree.“?   I had jested that ‘Mike Rounds called, and wanted his campaign theme from 2014 back.’  He must have actually put that call in, because his theme is no longer being aped by Hawks.

And by the time all that was done, the “New exciting” justification as to why Hawks is running found itself evaporated down from 2 big paragraphs of direct statements to one with offhanded, throw away lines.

Between all the revision, and drinking the ultra-liberal Democrat Kool Aid on issues (See standing with Planned Parenthood while they’re harvesting body parts) it’s going to be a long campaign for Paula Hawks, But not necessarily a successful one.