Toby Doeden inaugurates first class of Doeden dumpster diver candidates!
Blink-and-you-missed-him Congressional explorer Toby Doeden might have sprinted away from challenging Dusty Johnson (can he sprint?) once it was revealed that he had never voted in a Republican primary over the last couple of decades, but it hasn’t put a damper on his sense of self-importance.
I had heard that he had actually attended his first Lincoln Day Dinner in Brown County a few weeks back where he was treated to listening to current Congressman and Republican Nominee Dusty Johnson give a rousing speech that energized the whole crowd. Doeden had a table, but for some reason he kept pacing and hovering by the back door. Apparently he must have been uncomfortable in a room with actual Republicans.
Anyway, if you recall, back in February, Doeden had declared he was going to endorse candidates, and had started with Fred Deutsch, who had quickly noped out of that one. After that false start, it looks like Doeden is back pretending to be Republican by declaring his love for specific candidates running in the Republican Primary.
Since Doeden’s political activity has continued to be a dumpster fire, I think we can refer to these newly endorsed candidates as “Doeden’s Dumpster Divers,” since I’m sure they’re all going to be looking for a check from Aberdeen’s Covid welfare king.
Who are Doeden’s Dumpster Divers? After going through a “vigorous vetting process to ensure they are bold conservatives,” included among their numbers are..
Did they say “bold,” when they meant “old?” Well of course Carl Perry is there. I suspect that he’s included among the dumpster diver endorsees because Toby recognizes a good “yes man” when he sees one. Although, Carl might have to ask Al if it’s ok.
If there is one candidate running in the state who embodies the values of Toby Doeden, that would be Tom Pischke. I’m told Tom may have left his position at esurance and is a full-time landlord now, which would endear him to Doeden. Plus, Tom’s embracing of xenobiotic electromagnetism and chemtrail conspiracies, and committee vote to keep those with rape convictions in the classroom, help fuel the dumpster fire to greater heights.
Where do I start with former Neal Tapio campaign worker Cole Heisey? It’s such a long list. Whether it’s rallying with the proud boys, Or telling the world that monogamy is outdated and declaring:
Out of millions of souls, one is bound to one only? When so many have so much to offer? Don’t we restrict ourselves by combining only two? And not three and four?
I’ll just stop there, because any more and we might need to be hosed down with penicillin.
Who are the other endorsees? You’ll also find D23 Senate Candidate Mark Lapka, as well as D1 House Candidates Logan Manhart and Christopher Reder. Although, they might want to reconsider and not just walk, but run away from being another endangered raccoon in the flaming dumpster.
That’s the view from driving by the dumpster fire. Best not to linger too long.
